Boys Will be Boys or so They Say but Boys Need Their Dads to be Men One Day
Today I want to talk about DADS! I have been thinking a lot about the importance of a dad’s presence in a child’s life. Especially, in the life of a young boy. I would say it’s crucial, to put it mildly. Once you see the statistics you will realize why crucial might be too delicate a word.
I started noticing the family becoming less valued. I found myself wondering, how did this happen? Unfortunately, I believe it started with the man becoming under valued at an alarming rate. Once the father is gone, the family is broken and the effects are beyond horrifying. Obviously, the same goes for mothers, however, I haven’t heard any arguments against the importance of a mother’s presence in her child’s life. I have, however, read too many disturbing articles arguing that the presence of a father has no impact on their children. Which turns out to be more than an innocent misconception but rather full blown propaganda. One out of every three children live in a father absent home.
Dads may not be as involved as they should be but that isn’t entirely their fault. We, meaning women, need to stop treating it like it is. The more you bash on dads, the more you tell the world that dads aren’t important in a child’s life. If men think that their child will be unharmed by their absence then they assume they have no role to play in the family. Which, if I may point out, is completely unfair to men and is entirely false. Yes, entirely. Let me make my case.
Boys need their dads because I (being female) do not know how to be a boy. I do not know how to play like a boy, I do not know how to think like a boy, and there are a lot of things men know how to do that I am clueless on. I may try but the fact of the matter is my brain functions, as it should, like a female brain. My point, I won’t be able to teach my son even half the things his Dad will on how to be a good man. This doesn’t just go for dads and boys, little girls need their mothers to teach them how to be good women too. Of course little girls still need their fathers; just not to teach them how to be a lady, that’s a mommy’s job.
Dads ward off threats. Moms can be scary but nothing beats a pissed off dad. (I am a seriously protective mommy, so I make this statement based on the statistics.) Men are strong, territorial, defensive beings. When a man is invested in his family he exercises these traits and becomes the safeguard for the family and their property. Which is one of the reasons we love and NEED them so much!
I can hear the feminists screaming at me now “you aren’t an independent woman, you rely on a man”, to which I graciously respond “you’re goddamn right I do”.
Anyway, back to the facts. Remember that I am not talking about any man being in a child’s life, I am talking about the child’s father, specifically. Here is the gut wrenching truth about the destruction caused by fatherlessness:
- 1) “ Children living in female headed families with no spouse present had a poverty rate of 47.6 percent, over 4 times the rate in married-couple families.” (1)
- 2) “Even after controlling for community context, there is significantly more drug use among children who do not live with their mother and father.” (2)
- 3) “ They were 10 times more likely to experience abuse and 8 times more likely to experience neglect.” (3) *Keep in mind 10 times does not mean 10% it means 1000% and 8 times means 800%.
- 4) “85% of all youths in prison come from fatherless homes – 20 times the average”. (Fulton Co. Georgia, Texas Dept. of Correction) (4)
- 5) “The National Longitudinal Survey of Youth found that found that obese children are more likely to live in father-absent homes than are non-obese children.” (5)
- 6) “A recent study reported that preschoolers not living with both of their biological parents are 40 times more likely to be sexually abused.” (6) *Keep in mind 40 times does not mean 40% it means 4000%.
- 7) “164% more likely to have a premarital birth, and 92% more likely to get divorced themselves.” (7)
- 8) “Children of single-parent homes are more than twice as likely to commit suicide.” (8)
- 9) “ Adolescents living with both biological parents were 38 percent less likely to transition to sexual intercourse when compared to adolescents from all other family structures.” (9)
- 10) “71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes – 9 times the average. “ (National Principals Association Report) (10)
Terrifying, I know.
Just on a logical level, how do you expect a little boy to learn his duty as a father if HIS own father isn’t even around? You can’t. Unfortunately, male disposability is growing within families and will continue to grow until people stop avoiding this subject and start accepting the facts.
According to some, all this evidence I have provided you here is just propaganda to bash on single mothers. I wholeheartedly disagree. The evidence says nothing about single mothers. In fact it says nothing about moms, period. All I am trying to do is focus on one simple point; dads are important. Dads are necessary. It’s not difficult to see that with just a little reason and research.
Stop bashing on dads, stop bashing on men, and let’s get father’s back where they belong; in the homes where their children are being raised.
1) Information on Poverty and Income Statistics: A Summary of 2012 Current Population Survey Data, ASPE Issue Brief, By: ASPE Human Services Policy Staff, September 12, 2012, https://aspe.hhs.gov/basic-report/information-poverty-and-income-statistics-summary-2012-current-population-survey-data
2) National Fatherhood Initiative, http://www.fatherhood.org/why-fatherhood-matters
3) National Center for Health Research;The Voice for Prevention, Treatment and Policy, Child Abuse and Father Figures: Which Kind of Families are Safest to Grow Up in, by Diana Zuckerman, PhD and Sarah Pedersen, 2015, http://center4research.org/violence-risky-behavior/violence-and-threats-in-the-home/father-figures-are-the-answer-but-whats-the-question/
4) The Fatherless Generation, April 2010, Statistics, https://thefatherlessgeneration.wordpress.com/statistics/Statistics
5) National Fatherhood Initiative, http://www.fatherhood.org/why-fatherhood-matters
6) Father Absence, Father Deficit, Father Hunger, The Vital Importance of Paternal Presence in Children’s Lives, By: Edward Kruk Ph.D., May 23, 2012, https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/co-parenting-after-divorce/201205/father-absence-father-deficit-father-hunger
7) The Fatherless Generation, April 2010, Statistics, https://thefatherlessgeneration.wordpress.com/statistics/Statistics
8) National Center for Fathering, The Consequences of Fatherlessness, http://www.fathers.com/statistics-and-research/the-consequences-of-fatherlessness/
9) Teen Sexual Behavior, http://www.familyfacts.org/briefs/12/teen-sexual-behavior
10) Illinois Fathers “Children Need Both Parents”, Effects of Fatherless Homes, http://www.illinoisfathers.org/?page_id=1392